Lies Are Your Reality
by YourConscience813
Summary: How do you tell the person you've loved for so long that you hate them? Is it easier than telling the person you hate 'I love you' and then acting as if it doesn't bother you? AkuRoku. If you can, Read and Review please.


Lies Are Your Reality. I've had a lot of free time on my hands lately and I've decided to spend more of that time writing. Working on my stories? Ha, that would be a first. No I'm not working on any of my 'in progress' stories, just writing short little pieces like this one. I'm horrible, I know. So, as usual, I write what inspired this story in my author's note... This story was inspired _by life_. Just freaking life… Vague, I know... I really can't say much else here so on with the story!

Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters.

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><p>How do you tell the person you've loved for so long <em>I hate you<em>? Is it easier than telling the person you hate _I love you _and then acting as if it doesn't bother you?

I know you probably did not look too much into the question when I asked you. I remember; we were walking hand-in-hand through the snow-covered streets. You kissed my nose, warming my face with your breath as you did so, trying to act sweet. Trying to act _happy_. Then you gave me a brilliant, beaming smile, asking why I would think up such a question in my stupid, stupid head of mine…

Did you really believe the answer I gave you? That it was no reason? A random question in my stupid, stupid head?

I guess you never figured that I would one day feel this way.

Especially since, at one point, I was madly in love with you. I could not help but daydream about you, idly writing you name inside of hearts on my papers. Such a teenage thing to do, right? Your smile lit up my day, your laugh created butterflies in my stomach. It was so cliché. I never thought I would feel this way with anyone. I felt so alive. The air seemed fresher to breathe, the clouds were fluffier, and even the grass was greener! Each day, you made me feel like the most important person on this planet.

I wish I could say the same for now.

I know I've made mistakes in this relationship. Terrible mistakes. However, I've learned to never make the same mistakes again. Axel… I know I shouldn't lie to you. It was a mistake that quickly snowballed. Please Axel, please understand how hard it was for me to come and confess my faults to you. I built up enough courage to tell you the truth. Think of how hard it was to beg for forgiveness. I did that so I would never lie to you again. Deep down, I wanted to have a relationship free from hiding things… Free from lies…

Well, you can see how well that plan worked out. Now we don't even talk. I hold my tongue when we're in the same room together. Just in case I let the real truth come out…

Our arguments have been worse lately. I don't know if you noticed or even cared about the fact. It's even harder to look you in the eyes nowadays. When I see you, joy overwhelms my body. But… it's only a false sense of security. When I see you… And I begin to feel happy, it's because I'm thinking of how you _used _to be. We used to be so happy together. We were passionately and undeniably in love at one point.

Now? What are we _now_?

Think about it.

This may be all my fault though… Because I have friends that I'm really attached to. Some are like my family; they were there when I needed them most in my life. It was my fault to feel comfortable enough to tell you my past relationships with some people. How I used to have feelings for some of my other friends… However, I strictly told you that those feelings were gone and I only thought of them as friends. I was being completely open with you, but you told me I couldn't have those kinds of friends. They were considered _unhealthy _and they only wanted to be close to me for sex.

You told me to break off all my friendships because they only wanted me for sex.

Wait. Weren't you my friend once too?

Obviously you aren't one now. I don't even consider you _that_.

I loved you. You Axel… I wanted to be with you and only you. Why do you feel so threatened if there are other people in my life? What about my family? I'm not even allowed to tell my parents I love them because you go haywire, saying that I'm only allowed to say those words to you… And _no one _else… Not even family members. Isn't that a bit crazy?

When I asked you that, it didn't go well… I remember the feeling of your nails digging into my shoulders. I was crying, pleading for you to stop, but you couldn't hear me. You wouldn't hear me…

You make me feel so alone. Worthless even. And you do it on purpose! Those fights, I always beg for you to stop, but you say I deserve this treatment because I hurt you. Because everything is my fault. You want me to rely solely on you; no one else is allowed in my life. Is that why I'm not allowed to leave the house without permission? You want me to stay with you so much… and you don't even realize how much you make me want to run away.

"Don't worry Roxas…" Gently, you tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear as I continued crying. My head was spinning… I felt so sick. You didn't miss a beat though, "Once we leave this place you won't feel this pain. We'll only have each other. Forever. But you have to stay with me… Then you can be happy again."

I've never felt so broken before in my life.

Every bruise you would make, you kissed them better. Every cut, you licked them clean. What were you doing for my emotional pain? Hm? You knew how bad you were hurting me… You must have known…

After the first few fights, especially after you attacked Hayner in the middle of a busy street when I told you to stay away from him _on our freaking anniversary_, things started to change. There was no more passion between us, no more real smiles… Every time I tried to meet you halfway, you shoved me aside and told me I was lucky you were even still here for me. Our confrontations would always end in yelling matches while phone conversations would have me buying one of us a new phone. Eventually, after so many restless nights of crying and hurting, the fire died into a somber of ashes.

All the admirable qualities that I saw in you soon began to cause me to despise you even more. You're charismatic and can easily make friends with anyone you meet. So you are allowed to have friends, but I can't? Your smile and lopsided grin would always cause me to smile back, but now we smile for different reasons. I can't even laugh in front of you anymore. Worst of all is that you are so gorgeous. Vibrant green eyes, porcelain skin, fiery red hair, and a perfect body. However, the ugliness of your personality- your true personality- causes me to gag each time I see you, Sometimes I can barely stand to look at you…

Hey Axel, what do you feel when I kiss you?

"Amazing, Roxas. What else would I feel?"

Amazing? Really? That's all you could humor me with? Let me tell you the truth, Axel. Every time I told you that your kisses were the best I've ever experiences. It was a lie. Yes, another lie. A huge lie. Maybe if I would have been more patient and hadn't kissed you so quickly. Or if you did not insist on kissing me at least fifty times a day. Or maybe if our kisses meant anything at all besides you becoming aroused by the contact and the feeling of being loved… Maybe then there would be a spark. Sadly, I've experienced the illusive 'fireworks' kiss. I've felt my heart soar. And with you… Instead of pulling you close, I make excuses so your lips don't meet mine.

However, that never stops you.

_"You're mine."_

You take what you want.

_"I marked you for a reason, Roxas."_

That's me, right?

_"I'll be damned if you leave me for anyone else."_

I'm your _prize_.

_"If I cannot have you, Roxas, then nobody can."_

Truth is, Axel- with each snide comment you make… and every day you keep me caged, I continued to break. All the crying, the breakdowns, ignored messages, apologies; it was only the prelude to our next fight. As I crumble, so does my heart. I found that after all this time together, you have effectively shattered it to the point of falling completely out of love with you.

You may wonder why I don't love you anymore since you '_never did anything wrong_' in this relationship. Of course you would never think to blame yourself... Well, after time and our experiences together, I found that your personality clashes with mine. Your true colors… I _hate_ them… You're so_ ugly_.

It's been this way for a while… But now it's gotten worse. Not only am I not in love with you, but I _hate_ you. I just want to be far, far away from you. I _hate_ you _so_ much…

Still yet, I'm not strong enough to leave. I tried to receive help; I called a few people. Counselors and therapists to help me through this. You probably remember when you found the numbers in my phone... I had to buy a new cell after that fight. So, I'm probably going to keep this note hidden somewhere safe. Probably under your nose- you wouldn't know it was _you _anyways. You hate my art, the one thing that I can enjoy in my prison. It's the only thing I have now. You took everything away from me.

I still don't have a voice yet… But when I find it, I'll finally be able to tell you the truth. Isn't that what you want, Axel? The truth? Isn't that what caused all this mayhem? Why I'm hiding your marks under my jacket? Why I'm shaking when we're alone? Why I can barely relax under your weight? Why I scream, push, and shove you off me only to be pinned down like prey?

Truth is, Axel, I hate you.

But I guess I love you will suffice for now.

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><p>-End of Oneshot- One story typed out, about a billion more left to go. Or maybe I'll go off and play some Dead Island? Maybe. I need to beat the game… Anyways, if there were any mistakes or such- please send me a message or… Something… informing me because this was typed while I was…<em> raging<em>? Yeah, raging. My spell/grammar check can only do so much…

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the story.

Review if you wish, tell me what you think, suggestions, comments, concerns?

YourConscience813


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